Making a nice person (ahem, an English major) the new marketing lady would make our clients feel a little more at ease. An English major wouldn’t sneer at you for wearing the wrong lipstick color or being a few pounds overweight. If you vomited in the middle of an important meeting, she wouldn’t judge you or tell her coworkers about it. She would just nod vacantly, wait a couple of days, and then email you a Frank O’Hara poem that reminded her of the incident.

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An Open Letter to the Marketing Lady in My Office Who Asked Me What My Major Was in College, and When I Said English, Responded With, “You’ll Never Get Anywhere With That.”

BY Ivy Grimes

McSweeney’s 2/17/2012

(I studied culture and communication and art history in college. I ended up in marketing. I get this.)